I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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