Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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