So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
