When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
