So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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