im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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