I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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