How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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