Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sponge bath it is.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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