Your face is a jimmy john
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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