Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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