The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
