I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
