I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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