Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
