You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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