The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
