I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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