I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
