I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
