Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
