I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
