If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
