College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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