Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
