It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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