How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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