it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
