I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
