I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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