I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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