y did u give ur computer a hand job?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My ass is underappreciated
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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