I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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