I bet he comes in French.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
