i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
