More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
