Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
