i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
