Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
