I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
