i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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