ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
