You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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