forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
