Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
its liver damage thursday
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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