just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
