Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
