Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
These tits shall not be calmed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
