Do you still have your period?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
