Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
