wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
