I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
