at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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