Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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