i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
