please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My vagina just clenched in fear
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
