If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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