So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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