First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
