tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
