There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
