I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
