This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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