so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
