You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
