So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
