somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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