are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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