He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
