It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
