4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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