This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
