john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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