I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
