VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
