if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
