My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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