i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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