Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
