Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize