Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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