Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
