In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
