I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
