Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
