Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i think i just lost a toe
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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