i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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