I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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